Thoughts of Denial
I am five days away from being a college freshman. I am not
gay. I fantasize about guys and I may like them more than girls
but that doesn't make me gay. I'm possibly bisexual but openly
straight. I have a cool girlfriend who's bisexual for show. She
thinks it's sexy for her to mess around with girls. She thinks it
turns me on and I pretend like it does, but I really think it's
disgusting. The thought of her with another girl is revolting.
However, the thought of her with another guy turns me on to no
end. I love the idea of a hot guy fucking her. I can just see his
ass bouncing up and down between her legs and I can imagine what
it would feel like if he was fucking me and not her.
Tonight I am at a big going away party. Scooter Jameson is
going off to college. I could care less. I mean who died and made
that asshole king? I'm going off to college too. Where's my
fucking party? Everyone acts like Scooter single handedly won the
state championship in football. What about me? I'm the fucking
quarterback! I threw the three touchdown passes that he caught. I
handed him the ball when he ran in for his fourth touchdown. I'm
going to State on a football scholarship just like him but no one
cares. I hate knowing that I'll be seeing him for four more years
of my life. I hate it because I know it means four more years in
his fucking shadow. God I hate him.
"Yo Bobby, think fast."
I look up and see a beer sailing towards me. I catch it and
smile at Scooter. "Thanks, man." I hold the beer and look at
Scooter for a second. He's not that much to look at. I mean he's
tall and has a good body from football, but if you ask my
opinion, he walks funny and he's not as cute as everyone says he
is. His nose is way too damn big for his face and there's
something about him that doesn't seem right. I don't understand
why the girls love him and the guys want to be around him. He's
not that special.
I take the beer and leave the room because I try not to be
near Scooter. His presence alone is enough to put me in a sour
mood. I find my girlfriend in the middle of a crowd of people
dancing with her best friend. We've had a few drunken threesomes.
Guys are always telling me how lucky I am to have the two of
them. They have no idea that I spend the day after our threesomes
throwing up and praying that we never do it again. Being between
the two of them is just nasty. They're both cute girls but I'm
not attracted to either of them. I have to think about guys just
to stay hard. A few times I've gone soft and they've had to get
me hard again.
I watch them dance while I drink. They would both look so
much better if they were a few inches taller, had short hair,
less pronounced hips and no breasts. I mentally pause for a
second as I realize they would look like boys if I had my way.
Boys are cute. I drop the empty beer can on the floor and I walk
over and grab my girlfriend. I kiss her full on the lips. My
hands go to her butt and I grab a handful of ass in both hands. I
do these things to her all the time in public. I like knowing
that people are watching me assert my male dominance.
She gently pushes me away and whispers, "You ready to go?"
I know I'm not drunk enough to give her what she wants so I
kiss her on her forehead, "Not yet. Let's wait until other people
start leaving."
She moves close again and smashes her breast against my
chest. "Megan and I are going to have so much fun with you
tonight."
"Not tonight." I never turn down a threesome so I have to
think fast. I kiss her. "I just want to be with you tonight. We
only have a week left and then I won't be able to see your pretty
face everyday."
She pouts. It's so not sexy and it doesn't work on me, but I
act like it does. "I told you to come to Spencer with me and
Megan."
"Spencer didn't give me a scholarship." I move my right hand
off of her butt and softly place it on her lower back. "Let's not
talk about that. I don't want to lose my buzz." I kiss her on the
lips again then I take my hands away and tell her, "Go dance with
Megan." She turns and I smack her on her butt.
I watch Joann and Megan dance for a few minutes then I walk
away. I pass through the living room and someone calls my name. I
see that it's Scooter so I ignore him and keep walking. Seconds
later a hand is on my shoulder. I stop and turn around.
"Where you going Bobby?"
"Nowhere."
Scooter puts his arm around my shoulder. "Come drink with
the rest of us."
I pull away. "That's okay."
"Come on. Just one drink." He smiles at me.
I admit he has a nice smile. He should be a salesman because
his smile would do all the work for him. His whole face seems to
shine when he smiles. I can't say no to a smile like that. "Okay.
One drink."
He leads me over to a table with a bunch of guys around it.
I glance at the table and I know the one drink thing is not going
to happen. "Look who came to drink with us!"
The guys cheer. I realize I only know two of them. One of
them, Nate, a cornerback on the team, gets up and gives me his
seat. I sit and the game begins. I down drink after drink, after
drink until it's just me and Scooter left. I know I'm past my
limit but I refuse to lose to Scooter so I keep drinking. The
game ends at some point. I'm not sure who wins because I am
completely gone. Someone leads me to Joann and then they lead us
upstairs to a bedroom with a queen size bed. The person holds me
and I say something out loud but I don't know what. They put me
on the bed and I close my eyes. I open my eyes and see Joann
kissing someone and then it's lights out for me.
I wake up and I'm naked. I don't know how I got this way.
I'm spooning Joann and someone is spooning me. I am aware of a
dick pushing against my butt and I realize it's a guy behind me.
I want to move but I'm afraid to wake up anyone and I'm afraid to
see the face of the guy in bed with us. My bladder begins to beg
me to empty it and I have to choose between moving and pissing
all over myself. Obviously, I decide to move. As I sit up, the
arm draped around me pulls me tighter. It freaks me out for a
second then I calm down and push the arm off of me. I get out of
the bed and stumble to the door. My stomach feels sick from all
the beer I drank and I swear the door moves a little as I try to
unlock it. I finally unlock the door and then I stumble down the
hallway until I find a bathroom. I walk in the bathroom and start
peeing in the toilet. It seems like I'm standing forever. I sway
a little. I know I can't stand much longer. Something tells me to
sit. I straddle the toilet and sit slowly, carefully aiming my
piss in to the bowl. I let my head fall forward and rest on the
cloth covered toilet lid.
I hear a noise by the door so I look over and see someone
standing in the doorway watching me. The person steps forward. I
should have known Scooter would be the one to find me. I wonder
why he's naked. He waits until I'm done pissing and then he puts
his arms around me. "Let me go," I whine.
"I'm taking you back to bed."
He is the guy from the bed. I'm stunned. I let him help me
stand and I let him give me a shake to get the extra piss off and
I let him walk me back to the bedroom. He puts me in the bed and
he smiles at me. God I hate his smile. I turn and hold Joann and
I feel Scooter getting in bed with us. I look over my shoulder
and ask, "What are you doing?"
"Going back to sleep."
"In here?"
"Yes."
"I um"
"Ssh, go to sleep. We can talk about it in the morning." He
snuggles in behind me and my body twitches at first then I
realize it feels nice. My body tells me not to protest. I kiss
the back of Joann's neck and close my eyes.
I wake up again and Joann is missing and someone is jerking
me off. I know it's Scooter and I wonder if I should pretend to
be asleep of if I should stop him. He places soft kisses on my
neck then he tightens his grip a little and I moan. He stops. He
must know I'm awake. I have to say something. "Scooter?"
He moans in my ear, "Yes?"
"What are" I stop when I feel his hardon pressing against
me. "Did we"
"Ssh," he whispers. He speeds up his jerking and I give in.
I close my eyes and focus on shooting. Scooter keeps moaning in
my ear and pushing against me. He starts kissing down my neck and
then he nibbles on my shoulder. His lips feel like silk on my
skin. I start shooting. He puts his hand over the tip and catches
most of it. "Are you done?" he asks. All I can do is shake my
head. He takes my load. His hand passes my head and I hear him
taste the contents and say, "Mmm." Then he moves his hand to his
hardon and I know he's smearing part of me all over part of him.
His frantic pace shakes the bed and seconds later he shoots all
over my ass. He moans loudly and then he sinks his teeth in to my
shoulder and makes a whimpering sound. Suddenly he is completely
still and we both lay there. I am afraid to move, but I'm not
sure why he's not moving. A moment later his mouth releases my
shoulder. He kisses the spot he bit and then lazily drops his arm
around me.
I turn around and face him. His big nose doesn't look quite
as big; in fact, his nose looks kind of cute, like a nice cushion
on his face. He smiles. I smile back. Then he begins leaning in
and I have to turn my head to keep him from kissing me. I quickly
turn back around. "Where's Joann?"
"She got up and ran out. She's probably throwing up in the
bathroom."
I sit up. "I should go check on her."
"Okay."
I slide across the bed, rubbing his cum in to the sheets,
and I get up and walk out without looking at Scooter. The walk
down the hallway is much easier than the other time. I think what
happened with Scooter has sobered me up some. I push the bathroom
door open and Joann is on the floor dry heaving in to the toilet.
It is my duty as her boyfriend to help so I walk over to her and
look at the mess she's made. I flush the toilet and hold her hair
back. She dry heaves a few more times and then she stops and sits
back on her feet. I let go of her hair and grab a towel and wet
it with cold water then I wring out most of the water and put the
towel on her forehead.
"Ann how much did you have to drink?"
She looks at me through semi-glazed eyes and says, "Too
much." A hint of a smile dances across her lips and all I can
focus on is the vomit on her face.
I use the towel and wipe her face. She tries to stand but
she ends up pulling me down closer to her. I help her up and lead
her back to the bedroom. Scooter gets up and helps me with her
when I bring her in to the room. "You two are both lightweights,"
he comments as we put her in the bed and I tuck her in. She's
asleep seconds after her head hits the pillow.
Scooter moves behind me and grabs me. I pull away, "Don't do
that."
"Sorry."
I look at Joann and I'm not sure if I should lie down next
to her and risk Scooter joining us or if I should find somewhere
else in the house to crash. I see my underwear on the floor so I
pick them up and put them on. I glance at Scooter who is proudly
standing naked next to me like it's perfectly normal. I can't be
in the same room with him. "I'm going"
He grabs my hand. "Let's go get something to drink."
I yank my hand away. "I think I've had enough to drink! I'm
going to sleep on the floor."
"I just meant coffee or something, but fine, we can sleep on
the floor."
"Not we," I correct, "I'm sleeping on the floor."
His smile is gone. I see that he gets it. His eyes stare at
a spot on the carpet. "No she's your girlfriend. You take the bed
and I'll sleep on the floor."
His suggestion seems quite rational and I wonder why that
solution hadn't occurred to me. "Okay."
I crawl in the bed and put my arm around Joann. Scooter
kisses Joann on her cheek and then he kisses me on my cheek and
says, "Goodnight."
He lies on the floor and I lay in the bed. I can't seem to
get comfortable. I miss him being behind me but I can't let on
that I want him to join us again so I lay there, miserable and
uncomfortable, and I wait until my body has no choice but to go
to sleep.
Someone is pushing me. I wake from my dream and discover
that someone is shaking me in real life. I open my eyes and see
Joann. The brightness of the room makes my eyes flutter and I
close them for a second. "Wake up," Joann says while shaking me
some more.
I open my eyes again. I remember where we are and my eyes
open wider. I sit up and look around the room for Scooter. I see
him sprawled out on the floor, naked as the day he was born.
"What happened?" I ask.
"You don't remember?" I give her a look and she starts
explaining, "You got loaded and Scooter came to get me and we
brought you up here and then you told Scooter you wanted him to
fuck me because you couldn't."
"I did?"
"Yes, and we asked if you were sure and you said I keep
giving you Megan and you wanted something different. You said you
wanted to watch me with another guy."
"I said all that?"
"You were hard to understand, but yeah. That's what you
said."
"And you did it?"
She blushes. She never blushes. "Yes. You watched for a
minute then you went to sleep then you woke up and started
watching again."
"And you actually let him do you?"
"I was drunk."
"Your memory seems pretty good."
"You know how I am. I remember everything."
That's true. She drinks like a fish, loses all her
inhibitions, gets sick and then remembers everything the next day
except for the getting sick part. "How are you feeling?" I ask.
"My head hurts like hell, but I guess I deserve it. How
about you?"
I look at Scooter on the floor. "I'm wondering exactly what
happened with me and Scooter."
She laughs. "Don't freak out. Nothing happened. Scooter and
I did it and when we were done you pulled me close and cuddled
with me. Scooter felt left out so he got behind you and cuddled
with you."
"Why didn't he just get on the other side of you?"
"There was no room."
"You could have scooted over."
"We were drunk. I don't think anyone was thinking clearly.
It's not like he tried to touch you or something. Stop being so
homophobic! Trust me, Scooter is straight."
I beg to differ but I keep that to myself because I don't
want her to know what I did with Scooter, well what Scooter did
to me because it was all him. I had no part in what happened
between us. I stare at Scooter's body on the floor and I begin to
feel angry. How dare he fuck my girlfriend, even if I did tell
him to do it. Hell, he's better than me at everything, he
probably fucked her better than I ever could. Joann will probably
be dissatisfied with everything I do now. I stare at Scooter's
chest as it rises and falls and I hate him for breathing. I hate
him for existing. I hate him for being so damn likeable that
everyone loved him except me. I hate him for using his smile to
manipulate me. How dare he smile at me and how dare he touch me
like that, and how dare he grab my hand and how dare he hold me.
I fly out of the bed and start hitting Scooter. He wakes up
and tries to push me away. When he realizes I'm serious, he
quickly does a few moves and pins me beneath him. I look at Joann
and she's in shock. I close my eyes and pray that he has a slow
agonizing death and he burns in hell for all of eternity for
emasculating me in front of my girlfriend. This is why I hate
him. His natural prowess irks me to death. There has to be
something that he's not good at but I don't know what it is. The
way he acts, he'll probably die like a pro and end up on the VIP
list in heaven.
I open my eyes and glare at him. His eyes stare back at me
and that stupid irresistible smile begins to appear. "That's
enough boys, now kiss and make up," Joann says.
"Okay," Scooter replies.
I see his face coming close to mine, but I don't move. His
lips press against mine and I try to move but he has me securely
pinned beneath him and I am powerless to stop him. He presses his
lips harder against mine and his tongue quickly flickers across
my lips. Without warning, his tongue begins applying more
pressure and forces its way in to my mouth by slipping almost
effortlessly between my lips. I want to kill him but my body
wants to thank him for the sensations its having. I tentatively
return the kiss hoping that he will back off when I do, but he
doesn't. His kiss becomes more insistent and more passionate and
I get carried away by the waves of pleasure sending signals
throughout my body. He ends the kiss as abruptly as he began it
and I open my eyes the second his tongue leaves my mouth. I want
his tongue back. I want the full pressure of his body back. His
kiss was nothing short of amazing. I have never been kissed like
that by anyone. I take a deep breath and watch him as his face
moves farther away and he starts standing up.
I am one with the carpet. I cannot move. I don't want to. I
want to lay there and memorize every moment because it will never
happen again. I'm not gay. There's no way I'm going to kiss a boy
again, even if it was the best thing I have ever felt. Scooter
extends his hand and I take a deep breath before I grab it. I
stand and surprise myself when I realize I've been staring in to
his eyes. He smiles at me and makes me weak in the knees.
I look at Joann. Her mouth is wide open. "That was hot!" she
says. "Do it again!"
Scooter's arms snake around my waist and he starts pulling
me closer. Right before we're close enough to kiss again, I have
a moment of clarity. I can't let him kiss me. I push him away,
"Eww, that's so gay," I say. I know it's childish but it was the
best I could come up with.
He looks hurt but he quickly recovers and smiles again. He
quietly mumbles, "What's really gay is how hard you are right
now." He turns to Joann and laughs, "He's not going to kiss me
again, so what about you?"
Joann looks at me for permission. I shake my head without
thinking then I am forced to watch as Scooter shoves his tongue
down my girlfriend's throat. The thing that hurts the most is not
the fact that the guy I hate is kissing my girlfriend, but
rather, the fact that the guy I hate is kissing my girlfriend and
I wish I was her. I immediately think about how his lips felt
against mine.
"Okay you two," I say.
Joann stops the kiss and Scooter backs away. He grabs his
pants off the floor and winks at me as he leaves. "See you at
college."
What is that suppose to mean? Is he trying to tell me
something or is he just stating the obvious. I start putting my
clothes on. Joann begins doing the same. "What a night," I say as
I pull my shirt over my head.
"I know. I can't believe you got off on me being with
another guy and Scooter at that. I thought you couldn't stand
him."
I have nothing else to say to her. We finish up and leave
Scooter's cousin's house without seeing Scooter again. As I drive
Joann home, I file away the memory that she let Scooter fuck her
and I plan to use it to break up with her before I leave. I love
that she tries so hard to please me but I'm not going to be
anyone's meal ticket. She was fun for high school and that's it,
high school. College means I need a woman, not a girl.
I drop Joann off at her house and then I stop at a donut
shop for some coffee and a donut. I decide to eat there so I sit
at a small table by the window. My back is to the door and I
don't see him until it's too late. I hear him first. He orders a
glazed donut and a regular coffee. His voice sends shockwaves
through my body and I panic. I grab my donut and my coffee and
head for the door. Nate is standing behind him and Nate sees me.
"Hey Bobby!" Nate shouts. They all turn to look at me. I
make eye contact with Scooter and I freeze. I am scared to death
and I fear I might be only seconds away from losing control of my
bodily functions and shitting myself. "Damn, you look like you've
seen a ghost," Nate says. He steps towards me and blocks my view
of Scooter. "Maybe you should sit back down for a few minutes." I
want to say no but I can't. I let Nate guide me to a table and
pull out a chair. I sit and then he sits down next to me. "Dude,
are you okay?" he asks.
I stare at him for a moment and try to remember how to
speak. I nod my head a few times before I manage a weak, "Yes."
"No you're not," he says. "What happened? Did you have a
fight with Joann?" His hand makes contact with my shoulder and my
mind goes blank. For a moment I'm back in the bed and Scooter is
biting that same shoulder. Nate shakes me a little. "Is that it?
Did you have a fight with Joann?" I don't answer. "I know it must
be rough," he says. "The two of you have been together since
freshman year, but maybe it's for the best. If you're meant to be
then everything will work out and you'll end up together. You
know that don't you?"
Scooter sits down across from me and I glance at his eyes
before I focus on the table. The table can't seduce me. The table
can't remind me of what it feels like to be in its arms. The
table is safe. "What's wrong?" Scooter asks.
You. I hate you. I hate everything about you. I even hate
your stupid nickname. Who the fuck calls their son Scooter? How
do you get a nickname like that? I give him a look of irritated
disbelief. Then he smiles and I wish I can jump over the table
and kill him. I just want him to go away. I don't like being near
him. I don't like the way I feel when I'm near him. I don't like
the way he looks at me when I'm near him.
Nate and I have been friends since sophomore year when we
both made varsity. He puts his arm around me, "Do you want to go
somewhere private and talk?"
My eyes dart to Scooter and I see him glare at Nate for a
moment before he looks back at me and smiles. "We're all cool
here," Scooter says. Scooter's cousin sits down next to him.
I think for a moment. "We're not all cool," I tell him.
"I've never liked you. You grate on my last nerve! Everything
about you irritates me. The fact that you exist at all is a thorn
in my side."
He laughs nervously and says, "Tell me what you really
think." I stare him down and he returns my stare with the same
intensity. I blink and he says, "Ha, you blinked first."
"Everything isn't a fucking joke!" I shout as I stand and
walk away from the table. Fuck my coffee and my donut. I just
want to get away.
I'm in my car and about to slam the door when Nate runs up.
"Wait!" He holds my door so I can't close it then he inserts his
body between the door and the car. "What was the about?" he asks.
He knows I don't blow up on people for no reason. He knows
something is wrong and I know it's best to tell him something. I
tell him the first thing that comes to mind, "He fucked Joann
last night."
Nate looks surprised. "He did?" He takes a step back. "Aww
man, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"No one knows."
"I can't believe Scooter would do that. He's always talking
about how much he respects you. You don't do that to someone you
respect. That's fucked up." He looks back towards the donut shop.
"I didn't know he had it in him."
"Neither did I," I say.
"How'd you find out? Did she tell you?"
"Yes."
He stands there lost in thought for a moment. "Will you give
me a lift home?"
"Huh?"
"I came here with Scooter and Sean but I don't know if I can
look at Scooter right now. I thought he was a better person than
that. How could he do this to me?"
"To you?"
Nate looks at me. He appears close to tears. "I meant how
could he do this to you? It's not right and to make it worse the
rest of us are moving on to different schools but you two are
going to college together. You're going to be on the same team.
You're going to have to throw the ball to him. How can you have
any chemistry on the field?"
"Nate it's just football. I spent four years throwing him
the ball and not liking him. I'm sure I can handle four more."
"I guess you can." He sticks his head closer. "So are you
giving me a ride or not?"
"Sure, hop in."
Nate and I spend the next fifteen minutes bashing Scooter.
Well in all fairness, I spend the next fifteen minutes bashing
Scooter and Nate listens. Nate has always been a good listener. I
drop him off and then I drive home.
I spend the next week getting ready for college and ignoring
Joann. The day before I'm planning to leave I see Joann' car
parked by the curve as I pull in. I walk inside and Joann and my
parents are sitting at the table talking. The conversation stops
when they see me.
"What's going on?" I ask.
"Why have you been avoiding Joann?" my mother asks.
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Take me to Bed: Thoughts of Denial by LT Ville
gay. I fantasize about guys and I may like them more than girls
but that doesn't make me gay. I'm possibly bisexual but openly
straight. I have a cool girlfriend who's bisexual for show. She
thinks it's sexy for her to mess around with girls. She thinks it
turns me on and I pretend like it does, but I really think it's
disgusting. The thought of her with another girl is revolting.
However, the thought of her with another guy turns me on to no
end. I love the idea of a hot guy fucking her. I can just see his
ass bouncing up and down between her legs and I can imagine what
it would feel like if he was fucking me and not her.
Tonight I am at a big going away party. Scooter Jameson is
going off to college. I could care less. I mean who died and made
that asshole king? I'm going off to college too. Where's my
fucking party? Everyone acts like Scooter single handedly won the
state championship in football. What about me? I'm the fucking
quarterback! I threw the three touchdown passes that he caught. I
handed him the ball when he ran in for his fourth touchdown. I'm
going to State on a football scholarship just like him but no one
cares. I hate knowing that I'll be seeing him for four more years
of my life. I hate it because I know it means four more years in
his fucking shadow. God I hate him.
"Yo Bobby, think fast."
I look up and see a beer sailing towards me. I catch it and
smile at Scooter. "Thanks, man." I hold the beer and look at
Scooter for a second. He's not that much to look at. I mean he's
tall and has a good body from football, but if you ask my
opinion, he walks funny and he's not as cute as everyone says he
is. His nose is way too damn big for his face and there's
something about him that doesn't seem right. I don't understand
why the girls love him and the guys want to be around him. He's
not that special.
I take the beer and leave the room because I try not to be
near Scooter. His presence alone is enough to put me in a sour
mood. I find my girlfriend in the middle of a crowd of people
dancing with her best friend. We've had a few drunken threesomes.
Guys are always telling me how lucky I am to have the two of
them. They have no idea that I spend the day after our threesomes
throwing up and praying that we never do it again. Being between
the two of them is just nasty. They're both cute girls but I'm
not attracted to either of them. I have to think about guys just
to stay hard. A few times I've gone soft and they've had to get
me hard again.
I watch them dance while I drink. They would both look so
much better if they were a few inches taller, had short hair,
less pronounced hips and no breasts. I mentally pause for a
second as I realize they would look like boys if I had my way.
Boys are cute. I drop the empty beer can on the floor and I walk
over and grab my girlfriend. I kiss her full on the lips. My
hands go to her butt and I grab a handful of ass in both hands. I
do these things to her all the time in public. I like knowing
that people are watching me assert my male dominance.
She gently pushes me away and whispers, "You ready to go?"
I know I'm not drunk enough to give her what she wants so I
kiss her on her forehead, "Not yet. Let's wait until other people
start leaving."
She moves close again and smashes her breast against my
chest. "Megan and I are going to have so much fun with you
tonight."
"Not tonight." I never turn down a threesome so I have to
think fast. I kiss her. "I just want to be with you tonight. We
only have a week left and then I won't be able to see your pretty
face everyday."
She pouts. It's so not sexy and it doesn't work on me, but I
act like it does. "I told you to come to Spencer with me and
Megan."
"Spencer didn't give me a scholarship." I move my right hand
off of her butt and softly place it on her lower back. "Let's not
talk about that. I don't want to lose my buzz." I kiss her on the
lips again then I take my hands away and tell her, "Go dance with
Megan." She turns and I smack her on her butt.
I watch Joann and Megan dance for a few minutes then I walk
away. I pass through the living room and someone calls my name. I
see that it's Scooter so I ignore him and keep walking. Seconds
later a hand is on my shoulder. I stop and turn around.
"Where you going Bobby?"
"Nowhere."
Scooter puts his arm around my shoulder. "Come drink with
the rest of us."
I pull away. "That's okay."
"Come on. Just one drink." He smiles at me.
I admit he has a nice smile. He should be a salesman because
his smile would do all the work for him. His whole face seems to
shine when he smiles. I can't say no to a smile like that. "Okay.
One drink."
He leads me over to a table with a bunch of guys around it.
I glance at the table and I know the one drink thing is not going
to happen. "Look who came to drink with us!"
The guys cheer. I realize I only know two of them. One of
them, Nate, a cornerback on the team, gets up and gives me his
seat. I sit and the game begins. I down drink after drink, after
drink until it's just me and Scooter left. I know I'm past my
limit but I refuse to lose to Scooter so I keep drinking. The
game ends at some point. I'm not sure who wins because I am
completely gone. Someone leads me to Joann and then they lead us
upstairs to a bedroom with a queen size bed. The person holds me
and I say something out loud but I don't know what. They put me
on the bed and I close my eyes. I open my eyes and see Joann
kissing someone and then it's lights out for me.
I wake up and I'm naked. I don't know how I got this way.
I'm spooning Joann and someone is spooning me. I am aware of a
dick pushing against my butt and I realize it's a guy behind me.
I want to move but I'm afraid to wake up anyone and I'm afraid to
see the face of the guy in bed with us. My bladder begins to beg
me to empty it and I have to choose between moving and pissing
all over myself. Obviously, I decide to move. As I sit up, the
arm draped around me pulls me tighter. It freaks me out for a
second then I calm down and push the arm off of me. I get out of
the bed and stumble to the door. My stomach feels sick from all
the beer I drank and I swear the door moves a little as I try to
unlock it. I finally unlock the door and then I stumble down the
hallway until I find a bathroom. I walk in the bathroom and start
peeing in the toilet. It seems like I'm standing forever. I sway
a little. I know I can't stand much longer. Something tells me to
sit. I straddle the toilet and sit slowly, carefully aiming my
piss in to the bowl. I let my head fall forward and rest on the
cloth covered toilet lid.
I hear a noise by the door so I look over and see someone
standing in the doorway watching me. The person steps forward. I
should have known Scooter would be the one to find me. I wonder
why he's naked. He waits until I'm done pissing and then he puts
his arms around me. "Let me go," I whine.
"I'm taking you back to bed."
He is the guy from the bed. I'm stunned. I let him help me
stand and I let him give me a shake to get the extra piss off and
I let him walk me back to the bedroom. He puts me in the bed and
he smiles at me. God I hate his smile. I turn and hold Joann and
I feel Scooter getting in bed with us. I look over my shoulder
and ask, "What are you doing?"
"Going back to sleep."
"In here?"
"Yes."
"I um"
"Ssh, go to sleep. We can talk about it in the morning." He
snuggles in behind me and my body twitches at first then I
realize it feels nice. My body tells me not to protest. I kiss
the back of Joann's neck and close my eyes.
I wake up again and Joann is missing and someone is jerking
me off. I know it's Scooter and I wonder if I should pretend to
be asleep of if I should stop him. He places soft kisses on my
neck then he tightens his grip a little and I moan. He stops. He
must know I'm awake. I have to say something. "Scooter?"
He moans in my ear, "Yes?"
"What are" I stop when I feel his hardon pressing against
me. "Did we"
"Ssh," he whispers. He speeds up his jerking and I give in.
I close my eyes and focus on shooting. Scooter keeps moaning in
my ear and pushing against me. He starts kissing down my neck and
then he nibbles on my shoulder. His lips feel like silk on my
skin. I start shooting. He puts his hand over the tip and catches
most of it. "Are you done?" he asks. All I can do is shake my
head. He takes my load. His hand passes my head and I hear him
taste the contents and say, "Mmm." Then he moves his hand to his
hardon and I know he's smearing part of me all over part of him.
His frantic pace shakes the bed and seconds later he shoots all
over my ass. He moans loudly and then he sinks his teeth in to my
shoulder and makes a whimpering sound. Suddenly he is completely
still and we both lay there. I am afraid to move, but I'm not
sure why he's not moving. A moment later his mouth releases my
shoulder. He kisses the spot he bit and then lazily drops his arm
around me.
I turn around and face him. His big nose doesn't look quite
as big; in fact, his nose looks kind of cute, like a nice cushion
on his face. He smiles. I smile back. Then he begins leaning in
and I have to turn my head to keep him from kissing me. I quickly
turn back around. "Where's Joann?"
"She got up and ran out. She's probably throwing up in the
bathroom."
I sit up. "I should go check on her."
"Okay."
I slide across the bed, rubbing his cum in to the sheets,
and I get up and walk out without looking at Scooter. The walk
down the hallway is much easier than the other time. I think what
happened with Scooter has sobered me up some. I push the bathroom
door open and Joann is on the floor dry heaving in to the toilet.
It is my duty as her boyfriend to help so I walk over to her and
look at the mess she's made. I flush the toilet and hold her hair
back. She dry heaves a few more times and then she stops and sits
back on her feet. I let go of her hair and grab a towel and wet
it with cold water then I wring out most of the water and put the
towel on her forehead.
"Ann how much did you have to drink?"
She looks at me through semi-glazed eyes and says, "Too
much." A hint of a smile dances across her lips and all I can
focus on is the vomit on her face.
I use the towel and wipe her face. She tries to stand but
she ends up pulling me down closer to her. I help her up and lead
her back to the bedroom. Scooter gets up and helps me with her
when I bring her in to the room. "You two are both lightweights,"
he comments as we put her in the bed and I tuck her in. She's
asleep seconds after her head hits the pillow.
Scooter moves behind me and grabs me. I pull away, "Don't do
that."
"Sorry."
I look at Joann and I'm not sure if I should lie down next
to her and risk Scooter joining us or if I should find somewhere
else in the house to crash. I see my underwear on the floor so I
pick them up and put them on. I glance at Scooter who is proudly
standing naked next to me like it's perfectly normal. I can't be
in the same room with him. "I'm going"
He grabs my hand. "Let's go get something to drink."
I yank my hand away. "I think I've had enough to drink! I'm
going to sleep on the floor."
"I just meant coffee or something, but fine, we can sleep on
the floor."
"Not we," I correct, "I'm sleeping on the floor."
His smile is gone. I see that he gets it. His eyes stare at
a spot on the carpet. "No she's your girlfriend. You take the bed
and I'll sleep on the floor."
His suggestion seems quite rational and I wonder why that
solution hadn't occurred to me. "Okay."
I crawl in the bed and put my arm around Joann. Scooter
kisses Joann on her cheek and then he kisses me on my cheek and
says, "Goodnight."
He lies on the floor and I lay in the bed. I can't seem to
get comfortable. I miss him being behind me but I can't let on
that I want him to join us again so I lay there, miserable and
uncomfortable, and I wait until my body has no choice but to go
to sleep.
Someone is pushing me. I wake from my dream and discover
that someone is shaking me in real life. I open my eyes and see
Joann. The brightness of the room makes my eyes flutter and I
close them for a second. "Wake up," Joann says while shaking me
some more.
I open my eyes again. I remember where we are and my eyes
open wider. I sit up and look around the room for Scooter. I see
him sprawled out on the floor, naked as the day he was born.
"What happened?" I ask.
"You don't remember?" I give her a look and she starts
explaining, "You got loaded and Scooter came to get me and we
brought you up here and then you told Scooter you wanted him to
fuck me because you couldn't."
"I did?"
"Yes, and we asked if you were sure and you said I keep
giving you Megan and you wanted something different. You said you
wanted to watch me with another guy."
"I said all that?"
"You were hard to understand, but yeah. That's what you
said."
"And you did it?"
She blushes. She never blushes. "Yes. You watched for a
minute then you went to sleep then you woke up and started
watching again."
"And you actually let him do you?"
"I was drunk."
"Your memory seems pretty good."
"You know how I am. I remember everything."
That's true. She drinks like a fish, loses all her
inhibitions, gets sick and then remembers everything the next day
except for the getting sick part. "How are you feeling?" I ask.
"My head hurts like hell, but I guess I deserve it. How
about you?"
I look at Scooter on the floor. "I'm wondering exactly what
happened with me and Scooter."
She laughs. "Don't freak out. Nothing happened. Scooter and
I did it and when we were done you pulled me close and cuddled
with me. Scooter felt left out so he got behind you and cuddled
with you."
"Why didn't he just get on the other side of you?"
"There was no room."
"You could have scooted over."
"We were drunk. I don't think anyone was thinking clearly.
It's not like he tried to touch you or something. Stop being so
homophobic! Trust me, Scooter is straight."
I beg to differ but I keep that to myself because I don't
want her to know what I did with Scooter, well what Scooter did
to me because it was all him. I had no part in what happened
between us. I stare at Scooter's body on the floor and I begin to
feel angry. How dare he fuck my girlfriend, even if I did tell
him to do it. Hell, he's better than me at everything, he
probably fucked her better than I ever could. Joann will probably
be dissatisfied with everything I do now. I stare at Scooter's
chest as it rises and falls and I hate him for breathing. I hate
him for existing. I hate him for being so damn likeable that
everyone loved him except me. I hate him for using his smile to
manipulate me. How dare he smile at me and how dare he touch me
like that, and how dare he grab my hand and how dare he hold me.
I fly out of the bed and start hitting Scooter. He wakes up
and tries to push me away. When he realizes I'm serious, he
quickly does a few moves and pins me beneath him. I look at Joann
and she's in shock. I close my eyes and pray that he has a slow
agonizing death and he burns in hell for all of eternity for
emasculating me in front of my girlfriend. This is why I hate
him. His natural prowess irks me to death. There has to be
something that he's not good at but I don't know what it is. The
way he acts, he'll probably die like a pro and end up on the VIP
list in heaven.
I open my eyes and glare at him. His eyes stare back at me
and that stupid irresistible smile begins to appear. "That's
enough boys, now kiss and make up," Joann says.
"Okay," Scooter replies.
I see his face coming close to mine, but I don't move. His
lips press against mine and I try to move but he has me securely
pinned beneath him and I am powerless to stop him. He presses his
lips harder against mine and his tongue quickly flickers across
my lips. Without warning, his tongue begins applying more
pressure and forces its way in to my mouth by slipping almost
effortlessly between my lips. I want to kill him but my body
wants to thank him for the sensations its having. I tentatively
return the kiss hoping that he will back off when I do, but he
doesn't. His kiss becomes more insistent and more passionate and
I get carried away by the waves of pleasure sending signals
throughout my body. He ends the kiss as abruptly as he began it
and I open my eyes the second his tongue leaves my mouth. I want
his tongue back. I want the full pressure of his body back. His
kiss was nothing short of amazing. I have never been kissed like
that by anyone. I take a deep breath and watch him as his face
moves farther away and he starts standing up.
I am one with the carpet. I cannot move. I don't want to. I
want to lay there and memorize every moment because it will never
happen again. I'm not gay. There's no way I'm going to kiss a boy
again, even if it was the best thing I have ever felt. Scooter
extends his hand and I take a deep breath before I grab it. I
stand and surprise myself when I realize I've been staring in to
his eyes. He smiles at me and makes me weak in the knees.
I look at Joann. Her mouth is wide open. "That was hot!" she
says. "Do it again!"
Scooter's arms snake around my waist and he starts pulling
me closer. Right before we're close enough to kiss again, I have
a moment of clarity. I can't let him kiss me. I push him away,
"Eww, that's so gay," I say. I know it's childish but it was the
best I could come up with.
He looks hurt but he quickly recovers and smiles again. He
quietly mumbles, "What's really gay is how hard you are right
now." He turns to Joann and laughs, "He's not going to kiss me
again, so what about you?"
Joann looks at me for permission. I shake my head without
thinking then I am forced to watch as Scooter shoves his tongue
down my girlfriend's throat. The thing that hurts the most is not
the fact that the guy I hate is kissing my girlfriend, but
rather, the fact that the guy I hate is kissing my girlfriend and
I wish I was her. I immediately think about how his lips felt
against mine.
"Okay you two," I say.
Joann stops the kiss and Scooter backs away. He grabs his
pants off the floor and winks at me as he leaves. "See you at
college."
What is that suppose to mean? Is he trying to tell me
something or is he just stating the obvious. I start putting my
clothes on. Joann begins doing the same. "What a night," I say as
I pull my shirt over my head.
"I know. I can't believe you got off on me being with
another guy and Scooter at that. I thought you couldn't stand
him."
I have nothing else to say to her. We finish up and leave
Scooter's cousin's house without seeing Scooter again. As I drive
Joann home, I file away the memory that she let Scooter fuck her
and I plan to use it to break up with her before I leave. I love
that she tries so hard to please me but I'm not going to be
anyone's meal ticket. She was fun for high school and that's it,
high school. College means I need a woman, not a girl.
I drop Joann off at her house and then I stop at a donut
shop for some coffee and a donut. I decide to eat there so I sit
at a small table by the window. My back is to the door and I
don't see him until it's too late. I hear him first. He orders a
glazed donut and a regular coffee. His voice sends shockwaves
through my body and I panic. I grab my donut and my coffee and
head for the door. Nate is standing behind him and Nate sees me.
"Hey Bobby!" Nate shouts. They all turn to look at me. I
make eye contact with Scooter and I freeze. I am scared to death
and I fear I might be only seconds away from losing control of my
bodily functions and shitting myself. "Damn, you look like you've
seen a ghost," Nate says. He steps towards me and blocks my view
of Scooter. "Maybe you should sit back down for a few minutes." I
want to say no but I can't. I let Nate guide me to a table and
pull out a chair. I sit and then he sits down next to me. "Dude,
are you okay?" he asks.
I stare at him for a moment and try to remember how to
speak. I nod my head a few times before I manage a weak, "Yes."
"No you're not," he says. "What happened? Did you have a
fight with Joann?" His hand makes contact with my shoulder and my
mind goes blank. For a moment I'm back in the bed and Scooter is
biting that same shoulder. Nate shakes me a little. "Is that it?
Did you have a fight with Joann?" I don't answer. "I know it must
be rough," he says. "The two of you have been together since
freshman year, but maybe it's for the best. If you're meant to be
then everything will work out and you'll end up together. You
know that don't you?"
Scooter sits down across from me and I glance at his eyes
before I focus on the table. The table can't seduce me. The table
can't remind me of what it feels like to be in its arms. The
table is safe. "What's wrong?" Scooter asks.
You. I hate you. I hate everything about you. I even hate
your stupid nickname. Who the fuck calls their son Scooter? How
do you get a nickname like that? I give him a look of irritated
disbelief. Then he smiles and I wish I can jump over the table
and kill him. I just want him to go away. I don't like being near
him. I don't like the way I feel when I'm near him. I don't like
the way he looks at me when I'm near him.
Nate and I have been friends since sophomore year when we
both made varsity. He puts his arm around me, "Do you want to go
somewhere private and talk?"
My eyes dart to Scooter and I see him glare at Nate for a
moment before he looks back at me and smiles. "We're all cool
here," Scooter says. Scooter's cousin sits down next to him.
I think for a moment. "We're not all cool," I tell him.
"I've never liked you. You grate on my last nerve! Everything
about you irritates me. The fact that you exist at all is a thorn
in my side."
He laughs nervously and says, "Tell me what you really
think." I stare him down and he returns my stare with the same
intensity. I blink and he says, "Ha, you blinked first."
"Everything isn't a fucking joke!" I shout as I stand and
walk away from the table. Fuck my coffee and my donut. I just
want to get away.
I'm in my car and about to slam the door when Nate runs up.
"Wait!" He holds my door so I can't close it then he inserts his
body between the door and the car. "What was the about?" he asks.
He knows I don't blow up on people for no reason. He knows
something is wrong and I know it's best to tell him something. I
tell him the first thing that comes to mind, "He fucked Joann
last night."
Nate looks surprised. "He did?" He takes a step back. "Aww
man, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"No one knows."
"I can't believe Scooter would do that. He's always talking
about how much he respects you. You don't do that to someone you
respect. That's fucked up." He looks back towards the donut shop.
"I didn't know he had it in him."
"Neither did I," I say.
"How'd you find out? Did she tell you?"
"Yes."
He stands there lost in thought for a moment. "Will you give
me a lift home?"
"Huh?"
"I came here with Scooter and Sean but I don't know if I can
look at Scooter right now. I thought he was a better person than
that. How could he do this to me?"
"To you?"
Nate looks at me. He appears close to tears. "I meant how
could he do this to you? It's not right and to make it worse the
rest of us are moving on to different schools but you two are
going to college together. You're going to be on the same team.
You're going to have to throw the ball to him. How can you have
any chemistry on the field?"
"Nate it's just football. I spent four years throwing him
the ball and not liking him. I'm sure I can handle four more."
"I guess you can." He sticks his head closer. "So are you
giving me a ride or not?"
"Sure, hop in."
Nate and I spend the next fifteen minutes bashing Scooter.
Well in all fairness, I spend the next fifteen minutes bashing
Scooter and Nate listens. Nate has always been a good listener. I
drop him off and then I drive home.
I spend the next week getting ready for college and ignoring
Joann. The day before I'm planning to leave I see Joann' car
parked by the curve as I pull in. I walk inside and Joann and my
parents are sitting at the table talking. The conversation stops
when they see me.
"What's going on?" I ask.
"Why have you been avoiding Joann?" my mother asks.
Buy the rest of this story at Amazon.com.
Take me to Bed: Thoughts of Denial by LT Ville
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